Releasing the white-knuckled grip: Are you micromanaging your life?
By Laura Carrocci
I like to have control, be in control, and take control. When it came to the people and things in my life, I tried to control them all and it was a full time job.
It was only when I got to the ‘have babies’ part of my ‘life plan’ that I began to realise it didn’t serve me well. Suffering set in. Not the type of suffering when something hurtful happens: rather the type of suffering that occurs as a result of my thinking about how unfair, wrong or bad something was.
Fertility is generally something we don’t have much control over, and in my case I was infertile for over two years. There was nothing I could do to change that I could not conceive naturally.
But I didn't let a medical fact didn’t stop me. I went on the offensive. I removed every plastic item in the house. I threw all cleaning supplies in the bin. I read every fertility blog, website, article and research paper I could get my hands on and demanded my husband do the same. My desire to have a baby took over every part of my life. I thought about it constantly and I exhausted myself trying to control everything about it.
Then, after many failed attempts, relieved, grateful, happy and exhausted, I was pregnant. Repeat that process and today I have 2 gorgeous little girls both conceived through IVF.
(So ‘have babies’ part of ‘life plan’ got a tick.)
If infertility couldn’t teach me that I needed to surrender, surely kids would? Ha. Think again.
Sleep programs, lists, timetables, charts, books upon books upon books. And I won’t deny my babies did sleep well, fed three hourly and slept through the night from 8 weeks. But of course, when it comes to another human being, you cannot truly control them. Manage, guide, mentor - yes. But completely control - never.
Soon after I returned to regular yoga practice and meditation, something I ceased around the time I commenced fertility treatment, and I had a true awakening.
I learned that the suffering mindset, the ‘life is happening to me’ attitude, only ends when we detach from our thinking around it.
Accepting what is. Cliche but so true. Not trying to control my family, husband, kids; not fighting nature and fighting myself. Just accepting what is.
By putting this into practice, my life has changed completely. I am more connected to those I love, I am more present for my children and I am kinder and calmer. I feel an inner confidence and wisdom I have never known before.
It was in accepting what is, and surrendering to what I can never have control over, that I actually became happy – it was in surrendering that I found my true power.
Laura Carrocci is a life strategist and wellbeing coach who works with individuals helping them with all aspects of their wellbeing, from discovering strengths and purpose, gaining clarity, living mindfully, developing self-belief, pursuing passion, career transition, stress, time management, sleep and physical health and wellbeing.
Laura brings to coaching a deep understanding of stress management and interventions for wellbeing. lauracarrocci.com.au